Note: This is all based on my experiences. Everyone’s experience with depression is different, and I do not talk for anyone else but myself.
Living with depression is weird. It’s like living in two realities at once. For example, sometimes I’m just walking around, shopping, or hanging out with friends, or things like that, and suddenly I get this intense, internal feeling of wanting to rip open my own arm with my hands, and remove everything inside, for no reason. I have to remind myself, that 1) That’s not very logical or probable, 2) I would lose too much blood before achieving that goal, and 3) I’d lose consciousness well before achieving my goal. However, no matter what I do to convince myself it’s impossible, I still live with that feeling for hours on end, my head trying to convince me that I really can do it, and it’s annoying, and distracting.
That’s only one example, I have many, many more. I live in this world, but also in a world that wants me to destroy myself in weird ways.
I don’t know what to do in those situations, so I just endure it, feeling split between realities.